Guess what’s starting this week… You got it! Autism Awareness and ACCEPTANCE Month! Why did I capitalize all the letters in acceptance? Well, from my decade of being a mother to an autistic son, I can tell you that awareness might not be as big of an issue as is acceptance. I am almost certain that people know that Jacob’s different when they meet him or see him out somewhere in public. I know people are aware that he is different. They are aware when he is having a hard time. They are aware that he is not communicating with them. I know people know that autism exists.
What most people do not yet know about autism is how to accept it. How to appreciate it. And how to view it as something other than a tragedy. Because it is not a tragedy. What is interesting, as a very public mother of an autistic son, meaning that I never hide the fact that he has autism, is when I am in a professional setting, meeting new people who do not know me, and therefore do not know Jacob, and the conversation somehow turns towards autism, the unfamiliar people will lament how awful it must be to have a child with autism, and how thankful they are that their child does not have that.
When we are in public places, in stores, or the park, or doing anything that “normal” people do, people are aware. They understand that there’s something going on. There’s something that makes him different. They may see his struggles, they may hear his noises, but most are not accepting of his autism. They want him to conform. They want him to do as they do. They want him to fit inside their image of how he should behave and how he should be.
They tell him to quiet his stims. He’s too loud. He’s moving too much. He’s not this. He’s not that. He’s too himself.
What we need to address, what we need to work on in society, is to accept our differences, to embrace what makes us unique, and to learn to adapt. We should not only ask those who are not “normal” to be accepting. The “normal” ones also need to learn to be accepting, to adapt, to discover, to embrace, and to grow. That would be TRUE awareness.
Here is how we get to true awareness. We ask questions. We need to ask the right questions. The questions that foster insight, that are empathetic and encouraging. I have never been offended by someone genuinely interested in learning, whether it was wanting to know why Jacob does not talk, or why he is flapping his hands, or why he has a device around his neck.
Only one questions has offended me, and that was what is wrong with him. I failed that person. I should have said more than nothing is wrong with him. I should have explained that different is not wrong. I should have explained that it is painful for others to look at the same child I see, and for them to see something wrong, when all I see is beauty.
Correspondingly, we need to listen. We need to listen in ways that require more of the listener. Those stims, those autistic behaviors are communicating, but we must listen in a new way to hear the message. We also need to listen to advocates, adults with autism who can teach us what our children cannot say.
Finally, we need to see. See how amazing a different perspective can be. See what we can learn from viewing life in a different way. Jacob can notice such small details that the average person may overlook. When watching motorized model trains, he gets down on ground level, with his face on the floor, to watch the train from a whole new perspective. He views it from this angle, and then that angle. Many autistic people, such as Temple Grandin, have said that they can visualize some amazing things just in their mind. Nikola Tesla, another suspected autistic, was said to invent and test those inventions entirely in his mind.
We can do it. We can create true awareness and acceptance. We can ask questions. We can listen and learn.
We can stop viewing autism as a disease, as a sadness, as a tragedy, as something that needs to be fixed, or cured. We can see autism for what it is: a neurological difference that has been around for ages and will continue to exist long after we are gone. I have learned so much from having an autistic son, and I am appreciative to have him as my son. To learn with him, and to adapt with him, and to embrace all our differences together. Autism can be many things, just like the person reading this. Autism can be an incredible journey, sometimes a strenuous struggle, but never a tragedy.
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