I read and shared a meme a few weeks ago that said this:
“We are not special parents because we have special needs children. We are regular people who have become better human beings because of our special needs children.”
The more I thought about this, the more I came to realize how much I’ve changed since having a special needs child. And the more this idea resonated with me. Am I this saint of a person because of him? Well, no. But have I become a more accepting and understanding person because of him? Yes, very much so.
And the thought occurred to me: Why is it this way? Why does it feel like having a special needs child is the only way that people learn to be accepting, kind, and understanding of others?
Decades ago, special needs people could be hidden from public view. They weren’t in your public schools. They weren’t in your stores. They probably weren’t even at their families’ homes. School districts could refuse to educate them. Families were encouraged to place them in institutions. There was nothing you could do. Might as well lock them away and pretend as if they were never born.
Luckily, we don’t believe this today. Fortunately, our schools must educate every child. We know more. We know better. Or, at least, we are getting there.
Here’s what I’ve learned since becoming a special needs parent:
1. Autism is not a monster hiding under my bed, nor a thief lurking in the shadows. It did not steal my son away. It’s not something to be feared. It’s a neurological difference in the wiring of his brain.
2. My son is still my son. He is easy to love, with or without autism. I say this because as a special needs mother, or parent, you will eventually be told “I don’t know how you do it.” It’s easy to do because I love my son, as my son is.
3. Even though we are all different, disability or not, we still share more in common than what seeks to separates us. And you know what else… Having different thoughts and different perspectives makes you an interesting person to get to know. Diversity is good. Diversity is necessary.
4. A show of kindness can go a long way in letting others know you’re there to support them, in whatever way they need support. And in that sense, there isn’t a one-way fits all for education, therapy, services, or relationships, just as there isn’t a one size fits all in clothing.
5. You can learn a lot by listening and observing. Seeing the world from my son’s perspective has opened up new and novel sensations or perceptions of everything that I’ve been exposed to already. It’s granted me a brand-new mindset and awareness.
I learned these things and many more by being reborn into this special parenting world. I’ve learned the importance of purposeful inclusion. We are not only enhancing someone else’s life by including them, but we are also enhancing our own experience in life by exposing ourselves to all the faucets of human diversity.
But, I wish it didn’t take having a child to learn these things. I wish it did not take special needs families to advocate these things. I wish we, as a society, were all exposed to individuals with differing needs all along, so we would know how to include, and accept. We benefit from being together. We benefit from diversity.
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